Blogging The Life I Have Imagined
February 25, 2009 § 2 Comments
I’ve been collecting up crafty/lifestyle blogs for a few months. I use them as a sort of ever changing inspiration board because my inspiration board is covered with diaper coupons. I use them to get my butt in gear. I use them to … punish myself for being inactive, for sitting on the couch doing nothing while there are women out there writing books,raising families and raising awareness for charities around the world.
Art Junk Girl was one of the first blogs I bookmarked because I was heavy into collage/ephemera, and I wanted so badly to have a shelf full of moleskine journals like she has. I wanted to have the drive and creativity and sort of animal need to create like she has. Her most recent entry almost brought tears to my eyes, I was so jealous of her ‘artistic madness’. She speaks of existing only to draw, to draw on any and every surface, day and night. She can’t stop it. I haven’t felt that in so long. I wait for that feeling like someone waits for true love. I wait for it like Christmas. I just want to have that NEED to create…of course I’d love it if it was a drive to write, but I’ve very nearly given up on that.
My loss of ambition to write is made even harder, and more bitter when I see so many blogging women publishing books, living the life I’ve always dreamed of, and then I read things that basically pierce me right in the heart like a hot dagger, reminding me that others are succeeding where I have failed. For instance, in this blog entry by Marissa over at Creative Thursday:
Yesterday I watched the Oscars and I was reminded ~ that I went for a dream and I MADE it. And even on my cranky days where I’m not at my best, there is still an always present tiny glimmer of the pure joy I have for living I life I intended. There’s nothing like that feeling.
No amount of money, no industry connection, no gift certificate can get that feeling. It’s something you must earn yourself. It’s a goal you scratch off of a list you wrote when you were ten. It’s a framed first dollar bill, a contract from a publisher that says “yes,”, a sign over a shop that says ‘Linda’s Pies’. I have to assume that I’ll never feel it.
Earlier this year I reported that my friend Meredith and I gotten together and brainstormed BIG. GIANT. PLANS. to merge our love of creativity, writing, crafting, blogging, the internet, shopping and homekeeping into one big happy magazine that would focus on living a small, efficient, creative,handmade life. Since that meeting we had, we’ve watched our favorite, most inspirational magazines (Domino, Craft, Country Home, Cottage Living, WonderTime) go under, effectively showing us that this is no time to get into the magazine biz. We switched our focus to creating a website that would have the same feel and would actually be much easier to spotlight sellers on Etsy and Folksy and DaWanda. Decidedly, this is a more dangerous and much less profitable venture since there’s so much competition and so much existing “supply” to meet the “demand”. We of course became angry when we came across websites that had already done what we dreamed like Dabbled, The Crafty Crow and Craft Gossip because, while there’s always room for another great thing…we know our limitations. We are creative, and good writers and good cooks, and good people. We have a passion for the subject, but we know exactly nothing about web design, web advertising and web….presence…ing..ness.
So now we have to rethink our ambition. We have to put aside our dreams of living the life we imagined, and instead live the life someone else imagined and needed a staff for. In the meantime, I want this blog to represent my passions, but it will also represent ME, warts and moles and crooked backs and hypochondria and all. While I like to bake, I will never be Smitten Kitchen. While I like to craft and create, I will never be the incomprable Lollychops, and while I want with all my heart to be America’s SuperMom HouseManaging Wonderwife, I’m just never going to be Martha Stewart, or the House on Hill Road.
I don’t take great photographs, but I’m happy to share them. I’m not very gourmet, but you can have my recipe for Peachy French Toast. I can’t sew in a straight line, but I’m pretty darn proud of my Pear Dream Tote Bag. So stick around if you’d like. You can hear about my childhood, my daughter’s childhood, what I made for Sunday supper and what I do when I’m not working on someone else’s dream.