Things I Sent to Meredith: Easter Shopping Edition

March 25, 2009 § 3 Comments

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WAAAT: For me, Easter really started when I saw the  Crooked faced bunnies from Stitchface.  It was at that moment that I realized I COULD BUY SOMETHING LIKE THAT FOR MY DAUGHTER FOR EASTER and thus enjoy it vicariously through her.  And from then on, I started eating chocolate as a meal, lasciviously eyeing the Fannie Mae vanilla buttercream eggs at Jewel.  Back when I was a kid (in the old fashioned ’80s) my mom used to buy my dad one giant buttercream egg.  They were shells of tinted white chocolate filled with buttercream (read: frosting) and decorated with more frosting. Basically a fatty sugarball which is, coincidentally, my nickname.  WELP, they don’t sell those giant eggs anymore…but the kiwi sized ones look just as tasty.

Anyway, enough candy talk (until next week).

Oh how I wish I could knit.  I mean I can knit, in a straight line.  I taught myself because I’m left handed and everyone who tried to teach me was doing it “backwards” to me and I was lost.  Every time I try to read a pattern, I end up crying.  I’ll never forget the little old lady at the yarn shop who said “a scarf? You’re making a scarf?  Why not a sweater? You’d have to be braindead to not be able to make a sweater!”  Oh yeah? Well pull the plug sister, because I have no freakin’ clue what “K2P12K4togd3turn3zgdw235–++1/2 1/4ant1,2,3,14 bind off!” means.

Precious.  I spat on her.

But anyway, if I could knit, I’d be whippin’ up these adorable EASTER FINGER PUPPETS over at Purl Bee:

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I mean those little guys are what Easter Baskets are all about.  Perfect for the ride to grandma’s house after church to go eat ham, your kids can put on a small puppet show before pie is served!

HOLY COW A MOLY!  I can’t even adequately describe my squealiness at the sight of this li’l guy. 

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GOL DANG IT, SIR!  That is a cute little bird and there’s no two ways about it.  Melissa Sue Stanley is a new discovery of mine and I am enthralled by the fantasy, whimsy,detail and thought that go into each one of her creations.  Go to her blog to read stories behind the walking houses and hills and eggplants she creates.

  This is the beauty of shopping indie.  You may find some super cute and super cheap knick knacks at Target, but do they come with a story of a mountain that gets up and walks around at night just to annoy map makers?  I don’t think so.  This is where art begets art, creativity begets creativity,and lest I start to sound like Leviticus, inspriation begets inspiration.  Because I am not a felter or a crochetist.  I am a writer, and now I’m thinking about walking mountains and houses with chicken feet, and who knows what will come of that?  The answer most likely is a good long nap with dreams of chickens, but we don’t like to deal in reality on this blog.

OK, here’s a look into my psyche, and the psyche of my mom, sister.  The name of this Fabric Bar sewing tape right here?

tiny heads

Is LITTLE HEADS.  Let me tell you, Fabric Bar.  You had me at little.  I love the phrase little headsI LOVE THE CARMAX COMMERCIAL WITH THE GUY WITH THE TINY HEAD.  I love the guy in Beetlejuice with the tiny head. LITTLE HEADS ARE WHERE IT’S AT YOU GUYS.  This sewing tape will be mine, and that right soon.  I’m going to wrap my school books in it and dangle them as I skip along to school dragging a good stick behind me.

And when I saw THESE HOMEMADE STUFFY EASTER EGGS, I plotzed.  I want to take sick day and go home and make five dozen of them.  In reality town, I’ll probably make one, it’ll be as lumpy as Edward James Olmos and I’ll cry for two hours, but bygod, I’m going to do it. 

                 

But you know what I really want to do someday?  And possibly this Easter?  I want to learn how to make Pysanky:

I’m surprised none of the crafty mavens have attempted these beautiful easter eggs.  Would I break fifty out of every 51 eggs attempted? FOR SURE.  Would I grow impatient and end up just throwing them in the PAAS for ten minutes?  Yep, but who knows…what if I am a Pysanky Savant just waiting to be discovered?  What if deep in my heart, my soul is from the old country (Bridgeview) and I’m supposed to be cranking these out for the world to admire?  These are the things I fill my head with when attempting a new craft.

So far, no savantism has been uncovered.

BUT NEVER FEAR!  WE PRESS ON!

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§ 3 Responses to Things I Sent to Meredith: Easter Shopping Edition

  • Meredith says:

    A few things. FATTY SUGARBALL is the funniest thing I have ever read in my LIFE. And I’ve read funny things, I know funny.

    Next, that bird makes me weep with joy. The hill that walks is… there is no superlative to describe. I went to her facebook page and tried to tell her how much I love it and then realized I sounded like a stalker.

    Finally – WAAAT. That lil green collander!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

    LOVE.

    Easter is so much fun and pretty!

  • Marlo says:

    I say find another knitting shop and find a better teacher. I finally found a nice shop near me where my newbie ignorance and trepidation are treated with the respect they deserve. I aspire to make finger puppets like those, but I try to avoid double pointed needles at all costs, as I find them infuriating, thus defeating the purpose of having a ‘relaxing’ knitting project.

    LOOOOVE the birds. And love ‘lumpy as Edward James Olmos’ – I spewed coffee all over my desk. 🙂

  • Lisa Hirzel says:

    I taught my son Eric how to knit by facing him, since I am left handed and he is left handed. It wasn’t exactly how I thought it would go, but he CAN knit now.

    Also, those plyx…whatever REALLY DELICATE decorated eggs are decorated by those eastern block women who have been doing it since their first birthday. Don’t bother, just buy some.

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